Hm.

Have you ever been so stumped, so shocked, so flattened by something that you cannot even begin to describe how it came, or how to end it? How about being unable to even explain the problem you have buried yourself alive in?

No one reads this, but perhaps I can gain a bit of healing from simply writing something out here, like a diary, similar to the one I was never able to keep.

I am a religious woman. I have been my entire life. But as to which deity is correct, which theological aspect is the best to follow in urgent study, these things evade me with insane frequency. I don't even have a way to get this across to people who may be able to help.

Religion cannot be escaped. If you do not worship God, or some other deity, your deity is whichever you invest most of your time in, whatever you stand up for. I will never escape religion, but I would at least take favor upon understanding whichever one that I chose. There are too many stories in this world, too many lies. Which is best to believe?

I'm even sick of writing this for a blank audience. I get no pleasure within myself in pining about my own problems in an open, public place, sounding like a self-loving fool.

I have gone down the rabbit hole. And the fear is that I shall never get back. Don't call on me.